The Legendary Paul Schoenberg.

My best friend Paul left today for Vancouver. My heart hurts. I feel like a part of me went away. No one I've really been close to has moved away from me before, I guess I've been lucky! Me and Paul first met working at Starbucks 4 years ago? 5 years ago? I'm not really too sure. We lived together for 3 years, and it was pure bliss. Apparently it's hard to live with your best friends, but I've never had any issues!

Haha the first time Paul took me to the gay bar I had just attempted to box dye my hair blonde...hahahaha it turned orange. I decided it was the perfect time to go to the gay bar for the first time since my hair was ATROCIOUS!!! Who knew I'd love it there so much and pretty much go to the gay bar every weekend for the next three years...and meet some super amazing friends who I never would have met if it wasn't for Paul :) I have way too many party Paul stories I don't even know where to start. We always laugh HYSTERICALLY together. My parents have to separate us at family dinners because we just glance at eachother and laugh the whole time. 

We also seem to cry at the same times too. When one of us drunkenly comes home and something has happened and we're unconscionably crying, the other one seems to walk in the door a few minutes later in tears as well. Hahaha this happened last year at Stampede when I came home BALLING because some guy didn't like me and then Paul came in a few minutes later also balling. There were T3s involved....it got messy...haha but we both passed out and now we're fine :) There's also a third party to me and Paul's little love nest, and her name is Casey and she is one of my most precious friends!! I love her sooo much!!! I'm pretty sure Starbucks is where you meet your best friends for life!! Me, Paul and Casey all met at Starbucks. I thought Paul had a thing for Casey and I was pretty jealous...haha but little did I know Paul liked PENIS. MMM delish.

 HOLY BALLS!!!! I almost forgot two epic Paul and Stephanie adventures to mention!! We went to Mexico together with Melis in April 2010  and VEGAS together May 2011. We plan to reunite in Vegas this May :) I'm so happy my lovely Paul has met someone as special as Randy to move to Vancouver with!!! I know they'll have a great time!! <3

Wine.

I think wine is the thing I'm most passionate about at the moment. All day I just can't wait to go home and drink wine. Wine is great for all occasions...when you're happy, sad, staying home and watching a movie, or going out on the town!! Wine is always there to make sure you're having a good time. Red wine is my favorite at the moment. I love Shiraz and Malbec the most, but definitely would never turn down a Cab Sauv or Merlot. (Writing this entry is making me want to run home and drink wine.)
I love Sangria. OMG it is so delicious. Although I prefer red wine to white, in a sangria I think I may prefer a white wine sangria. So delicious. Original Joe's makes a great Sangria. Earls also makes an amazing Sangria, which are on special Mondays FYI. Earls Sangria has large pieces of fruit in it, so at the end you eat the fruit which is infused with alcohol and it makes your insides very happy :)  I had a white wine sangria with my friend Travis at the Hyatt restaurant a few Fridays ago. It was so amazing. We had a pitcher and were quite tipsy as I walked back to work. I was just about to bitch about work until I realized this entry is dedicated to wine. I can not have any negative talk on my wine entry. Today is definitely one of those days where I don't want to do anything but go home, put on my sweats, pour a glass of wine, and watch TV :) Jersey shore is on, The Office, Community, and BIG BANG!!!! One of my favorite things about Fall: TV IS BACK AND SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!!
Favorite show to drink wine to = COUGAR TOWN. If you don't watch Cougar Town, please do. It's really funny and by the same creator as SCRUBS. Scrubs is LEGIT my favorite TV show of all time. Elliott from Scrubs is going to be making an appearance on the third season of Cougar Town and I am sooooooo excited!!!! OOOH I love this picture!!! Look at them with their WINE <3

Countdown to Doomsday.

My best friend Paul is moving to Vancouver in 9 days. FOREVER. I have a feeling I'm going to crawl into a ball and not leave my room for the first couple days after he leaves. Right now we only live a few blocks away from eachother, so even when we're not hanging out, he's still close by. Vancouver is not close by! Okay...well it's better than him moving to Cambodia which he had planned on doing a couple years ago. I don't even like Vancouver. People take the bus everywhere and it rains and steals all your friends, and why spend $500.00 on a plane ticket to Vancouver when you can go to VEGAS. I choose Vegas. Maybe we can all meet in Vegas....that sounds nice :) Paul and Randy's going away party is on Saturday, which means I get to buy a new party dress!!! I want to wear something supa sexxxy!!! We're going to the gay bar and I havn't been there in awhile...hahaha wow that is a lie, I was there last weekend!! This weekend everyone will be there though, which makes it ten times funner!!!!

Me and Mel are going to see Pearl Jam tonight. I have NO CLUE what they sing. Okay I know two of their songs...that "where oh where could my baby beeeeeeee" song...and that "even flow" song we play on guitar hero. I'm mostly going got the Saddledome beer. HOLY BALLS. Speaking of Saddledome beer...HOCKEY SEASON IS AMONG US!!!!!!!!! Me and Mel are also going to the Flames/Oilers game on Sunday!!!! OMG WAY TOO EXCITED!!!! I love hockey. Love.

Alright I guess I won't need to wallow in my bed for days when Paul's gone if I have the Flames to cheer me up :) and some good friends and wine!!!

<3

Cats and White Wine.

For some reason in my list of things to blog about I have entered "Cats and White Wine". Cats and White Wine is right below " Stank ass condoms", "Lady and the Seamen" and..."My Terrible Toe Nail". hahahaha what the hell was I talking about?? Although speaking of the things in my "Things to Blog About" list...my toe nail is really unfortunate. I feel deformed when I put on a cute pair of stilettos when I'm going out on the town. It's really sad. :(

I lost my toe nail in an unfortunate shmelting accident. Hahahaha sorry, I love Austin Powers Goldmember wayyyyy too much for my own good!! I actually lost my toe nail wearing too tight shoes when I went running, then smashing it into this cabinet at my work...then to top it off some ogre stepped on my foot at Hudsons. Apparently some things are just meant to be. I was meant to have a deformed big toe for the remainder of the summer. Sure god, thanks a lot...really appreciate it. I'm sure it's karma for something terrible I did.

Speaking of karma, I'm waiting for some bad shizzz to happen. This morning I ordered a Tall Pumpkin Spice Latte Non Fat...No Whip. Since I work downtown the line was pretty big and eventually the barista called "Grande Non Fat, No Whip Pumpkin Spice Latte" No one took it, I waited....then waited some more....then was like: "FUCK IT, I'M TAKING THIS ONE!!!!!" It was delicious by the way. I'm waiting for the karma to get me though. EEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!

MONDAY MONDAYYYYY!!

Good Morning :)

Well I had a fabulous weekend and I know this week is going to be equally awesome!! Friday I tried to have a nice relaxing night in with my friend Casey, but we all know I can't seem to stay in for the life of me! Vanessa came over and the three of us watched a movie and had some wine :) At around 10:30 or 11 me and Vanessa stumbled down to 1410 where there was a line up and our VIP cards wouldn't even get us in..so we waited patiently. Alright so we tried morgans where there was a $3.00 cover charge which we just found unacceptable..hah so we went back to the 1410 line and waited. My mission for the night was to find a man. It didn't go quite according to plan. Apparently the asians like 1410...haha me and Vaness got hit on by two little men that came up to our chests. One had braces. Not what I had in mind when I went out searching for a man. People were going crazy at 1410, and some chick was bouncing her ass so hard on the DJ booth that the DJ's computer fell and the music stopped! haha everyone in the crowd had the same reaction...stunned faces filled the room!! Luckily the computer was okay and the night continued :) tequila shots were had and then we went home.

The next morning I had yoga. I woke up at around 7:30, left my apartment at 8...then yoga until 12:30. I was mildly hungover and very tired!! There is a cute guy in my Tuesday yoga class that was at this Saturday morning yoga class. He is super cute although I think he may be too young for me. Luckily I have yoga with him every Tuesday so I'll get to learn more about him and his sexy ways! Vanessa is going to start doing yoga with me on Tuesdays now and I'm very excited about it!! We're also starting a dodgeball team!!! I am soooo athletic!! haha Dodgeball starts Sept 26th. Our name is the Incrediballs!!! hahahah pretty hilarious, Mel came up with it. Whata genious that girl is!! I now want to watch the Incredibles...maybe tonight I will...after Julios Barrio with Paul and Casey :)

So, after my morning of yoga I met up with Mel, Kaitlyn and V at Chinook where we went shopping :) I got a cute ring, some earrings and a nice sweater from Forever21. My goal was to find a cute dress to wear out for Robyn's birthday party but I couldn't find something just right. I ended up wearing my zebra dress that I got in Vegas. VEGAS HAS THE BEST SHOPPING EVER. Just thought I'd mention that...in caps...cause it's freaking amazing!!

Robyn's Birthday Partayyyy was a lot of fun!!! We had delicious raspberry mojitos and belinis :)

ALSO....TRUE BLOOD FINALE BLEW MY MIND!!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!!!

Fave quote from Pam: "I AM SO OVER SOOKIE AND HER PRECIOUS FAIRY VAGINA!!!!!!"

Also, I havn't been to the casino in foreverrrrrrr which means I can spend all that money I would have lost at the casino on SHOPPING!!! I want new shoes and dresses!!! EEK and I organized my room!! OMG it's so pretty. I also forgot to mention I went cliff jumping with Cory, Chris, Kerri, Dames and Kerri's friend D on Sunday!! It was kind of chilly, but I jumped off this rock...haha I don't know if you can really call it cliff jumping...6 year old children were jumping off of it...The only thing I didn't do this weekend was find a boyfriend, and whatever...over it for now.  :)

Finding a boyfriend. Preferably not a huge douche bag.

I'm on the hunt for a man. Operation Stephanie the Man Hunter has begun. Where does one find a boyfriend? I've been looking at the bars for years and havn't found one. I met this cute, amazing guy at Stampede but it fizzled. I'd like a guy with Stampede guy's personality but maybe a little taller...and larger....in. the. pants.

My friend Casey's coming over tonight. Maybe we can walk around my building and see if there's any hotties walking the halls. hahaha wow is this what my life's come to? Wandering the halls for guys. Although in my defence it is Friday night, this isn't like a Monday cruise session. There's also a gym in my building which has some hotties in it. Alright so these are my main pick up spots: The gym, Rona, Home Hardware. One of the reasons I want to find a man at Rona is because I need to put up shelves for my DVDs. If i meet a handy man at the hardware store, I'm pretty sure we'll fall inlove and he'll put up shelves for me. Anyways I'm going to find a boyfriend this weekend. It's been decided. If all else fails I'm going out Saturday night for my friend Robyn's bday party. I'll keep you posted, but I have a good feeling about this weekend!! LOVE IS IN THE AIR!!!!!

For Cory.

Apparently my last post was missing a little something something for my only follower. Haha so here is this weeks edition of....drum role please....WEEKEND SHENANIGANS!!!!!

Captain O'Hagan: I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says, "Shenanigans."

Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?

Farva: You mean Shenanigans?

Mac: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

haha also...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6oqKtzdYxg

OKAY!! I shouldn't have said shenanigans. Alright the drunken escapades started one week ago on this fine day called wine night.....

We (I think the girls) met up with Damien and (I think there was another guy there) ooh ross!!! Me, Mel, Begin, Damien, and Ross went to the food trucks to get perogies!!! Mexirogies to be exact. Ross had never had a perogie until this faithful day. I think he liked them. How can you not like a perogie though. They're amazing. Then I started getting antsy for some wine and grumpy...we go to Damien's for some reason...I just wanted him to drop me off at wine night, although it's for the best we stopped at his house because his soon to be ex roommate, Cory, was there!!! We were wearing matching shirts. Black and white stripped shirts. Very attractive.

Alright so we go to wine night where we proceed to drink copius amounts of wine and I stole the pool table for the night. Me and Cory played some rando dudes....oh ya Kyley showed up!! It's very odd to have Kyley and Damien in the same room. I think they like eachother though? I don't really get it. Boys are silly. OH YA. There's this CMT concert coming to the casino in calgary and we met this guy who said he'd give me free tickets if I called him 2 nights before the show. I should remember to text him..note to self. Alright so me and Cory made a team name for ourselves which was: Lady and the Seamen. We came up with this name because of our sailoresque attire and the fact that since there was a lady in the duo (moi) we should have it in the title...so people wouldn't get confused or something. Wine night then took a turn to karaoke night. I sang step by step and I think Cory sang something...I hope it was Patio Lanterns!!! That song gets in your brain and never wants to leave...those patio lanterns...okay. Singing at karaoke..drink drink drink....we all go home?? I walked home! Ooooh this leads to the story about old condoms...

Apparently condoms expire. FYI. I did not know this. If something's made of rubber how does it expire? That's like saying plastic expires...I thought they were good for life!!! They are not. I had purchased said condoms for my trip to Mexico last April. I clearly still had some left over because I did not get laid in Mexico. Probably for the best....I did get the Hep A in Mexico but that's a different story. Alright the moral of this story is don't use old condoms they start to smell. Like an ass....like the inside of a stinky large homeless person's ass who hasn't seen a shower or possibly doesn't even know they exist. Terrible. AH I just got a shiver thinking about it.

Alright Friday = Ponoka Stampede. Yes you heard me. Ponoka. Now before you judge you must know that Aaron Pritchett, Dierks Bentley, Deric Ruttan and Easton Corbin were playing. Although you can judge me for placing Aaron Pritchett ahead of Dierks. I don't know what I was thinking there. Friday we drank. Not just drank.....we got shit bagged trashed before 6...possibly before 4...found some nice people with a beer pong table :) me and cory at the same time sunk a ball into the same cup!! IT WAS PURE MAGIC. I was speechless. yes...me...SPEECHLESS. We went to the place where the concerts are...what is it called...maybe a corral? That sounds about right. More drinking...dancing...me wishing the casino was open!! Some guy got knocked out and a girl got hauled off the dance floor. It was getting intense in there!!

I was at the front staring at Aaron Pritchett's muscular body for ahwhile...it was quite the view!! Cory and Kerri ended up hogging the tent all night so me and Kyley had to sleep in his truck. It was sooooo cold!!! I was not a happy camper!!

We went home....Saturday night I think I went to hudsons?? No. I went to the Rhino with my family!!! My cousins were in town for the weekend. My sister also came out which was crazy because she NEVER ever parties with me. We were doing tequila shots, it got messy. The fire alarm went off at the Rhino and everyone had to evacuate...like WTF. I don't think that's ever happened to me at the bar and I go to the bar A LOT. Sunday was a very hudsons night :) I think. Cory did we go to hudsons on Sunday??? oooooooooh yes. That's when Mel checked us all in then Damien checked all his friends in. John Thai and Trevyn came which is always fun!! We did a lot of shots.

Everyone just wanted to get slammmmered and it happened!! Me and Cory ended up leaving and walking to the fountains...then I think got seperated and he went home and tried to crawl into Ross' window as usual...and I went home with kyley....wow that is not what happened AT ALL. Me and Cory went to A&W and walked through the drive-thru!!! I got a teen burger!!!! We also got apple pies :) I later dropped my apple pie in my sink onto a wet plate, then proceeded to eat said apple pie. It was too delicious not to eat!!! Cory and Kyley slept over aka passed the fuck out.

Monday me and Mel went to the Labour Day Classic game!!! GO STAMPS!!! Edmonton kicked our ass though. We were 1/4 late for the game and then left to get shots with Matt and Joey....then didn't end up going back to the game. Kyley picked us up from Northhill then we went back to the apartment where I showered, kyley napped, Mel chilled and then we got picked up by Cory and Kerri who were just on a romantical date at Loco Lous and we went to HUDSONS!!!! The land of the drunk!!! We all got very drunk. Mel left. OOH Vanessa came!! and Begin!! I was very hungover on Tuesday which then explains my previous post about how I had to do all my expenses for 7 months in 2 days. haha wow. Alright there you have it, the weekend in a nut shell!!!!

Back in the groooove!!!

Alright!! Last night was the first night I havn't had a drink in what feels like months. Terrible I know. I was so stressed out Tuesday when my boss told me my expense reports were due and I seriously hadn't touched them in 7 months. I am not exagerating when I say 7 months...and I was hungover as balls from Hudsons the night before. All the stress happened on Tuesday and now it's Thursday and I'm in the clear!!!! I caught up on everything and life is good and un-stressful, just the way I like it :)

Last night my mom and I cleaned the shit out of my condo that I sold. The possession date is Friday so we cleaned it just in time. haha although now that I think about it I have to go back and get my nipple covers from the basement. I definitely forgot them there while I was cleaning...not because I was wearing them..I found them and then put them on this built in shelf and started cleaning around them and forgot to take them home with me. So to recap...the only thing left in that house are nipple covers, and I need those things!! You never know when the opportunity may come along when you need to wear a slutty dress sans bra!! aka this Saturday :) It's my friend Robyn's birthday and we're going for dinner and drinks, then out dancing! I'm really excited!!

Mooooving DAY!! aka...disaster!!

Me and Mel moved our lives into an apartment today!! It sounded pretty simple...a couch was getting delivered with a TV and Mel's bed. We would really only need to move my bed! haha not what happened at all. The movers delivered the couch at 9am and we couldn't even get into the apartment till noon. Mel had to go to the apartment building 3 hours early to sit in the lobby with the couch. haha I was at home doing who knows what...packing I think! Me, Mel and her mom had to move this huge ass sectional into the apartment. It was freaking heavy!!! After all this grunting and moaning getting this huge couch into our apartment we finally go to my car to get my boxes. I go to my car which I parked at the Shell because there was no freaking parking on the street and it's GONE. Like seriously???? 45 minutes...I can understand a ticket but towing my car?? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????? So a nice little move into our dream apartment becomes a freaking grunty sweaty angry mess!!!!! After some swearing/giggling/more swearing Mel drove me to the impound where we eventually get my car back. 150 bucks later....yeesh could have been worse I suppose?? Haha the guy who took me to my car was definitely 90 years old and we were all chatting it up about moving into our new apartment when Mel makes a Sex and the City reference. To this 90 year old man. ha like seriously Mel this man does not watch Sex and the City. He now thinks we're perverted horny girls who get their cars impounded cause they don't know how to park. Super. He was cute though. If I'm 90 and working my life has taken an extremely unfortunate turn. I plan on being filfy fucking rich when I grow up. I'm marrying rich. There's no other options...well besides winning the lottery. I no longer believe in love. I'm pretty sure it doesn't exist....except in the movies :)